Drop the Expectations

I think everyone a part of a summer w/ RS has heard this phrase 100 times.... Expectations of a trip being “the same" as a previous trip, or expectations of being besties w/ everyone on your team and so on. We all know the expectations we have going into a summer. I never thought, though, that it meant dropping expectations of myself.

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I have high standards for myself, and I guess that I expected after 1 year with RS, year 2 would be "easier" in a sense. That I'd be better able to handle the challenges - physical and emotional - I'd be more equipped as a Summer Staff... all the things… That train of thought makes me want to laugh now.

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A good friend once reminded me that God is God - not me. Simple, right? It's a truth we all know, but one I don't think I really understood. And I think the Lord's been trying to teach me this for a while. But I still wanked to have "control" - whatever measly amount I could....

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It took 3 visits to a Nairobi hospital (Shout out to my med staff for being one of the most compassionate people I’ve met) and a couple of missed ministry days for me to finally realize what the Lord was teaching me.

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No matter how prepared I think I am, or the high expectations I have for myself to do it all,GOD is the one doing the work–not me. Yes, He uses me to plant seeds and water them, but HE is the One who makes them grow (Eph. 4). And it's only in His strength we do anything. He meets us in our weaknesses and CHOOSES to use us, even at our lowest. Contrary to my expectations, this summer has been difficult in many ways. I've been stretched emotionally, and challenged physically. There have been times when I didn't know where I'd get the strength to minister "the way I should." But it was never up to me. It's all His work.

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The day that showed me this best was a day we ministered in a high school. 2 of the 4 ministry groups were chosen to lead discussion; my group sat out because I wasn't feeling great. Instead, my group participated in prayer ministry over the teams inside, the kids + school, DICE, and Kenya... I prayed + enjoyed the time, but I felt bad because I'd "caused" my group to sit out. 

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But that evening during discussion, after hearing what had taken place in that school, it was so apparent that the RIGHT people to minister to those students had been placed there. And not only that, but everything we’d been praying over, we saw the Lord answer. Right down to specific details.

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Even now, I'm still in awe. It is the LORD doing the work, not me. He knew exactly what was needed and He worked how He wanted to. He is God, and I am not. Only in His Strength + power does anything grow. And, if we're honest, He doesn't need to use us... It's a privilege. And what an amazing privilege it is to be a part of the work He’s doing here in Kenya.

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